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These facts represent the best work we've done in the last 6 or so years. It's a combination of the most successful (best user feedback) and the ones I like the most. They're not in any particular order, however. Enjoy!
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05-07-10 |
Whenever a traffic cone is put on the ground, the earth feels like it's wearing a little hat. |
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03-25-05 |
When Houdini was born, he held out a pair of opened hand cuffs and said "ta-da!" |
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01-04-05 |
Philips never intended for the Sonicare Toothbrush to clean teeth. |
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02-28-08 |
Photography isn't an art; it's just noticing art and quickly putting a camera between yourself and it. |
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03-05-07 |
After being lambasted by art critics for her work "Mommy and Daddy Holding Hands by a Tree," three-year-old artist Joanna O'Brien took her own life and the life of her blankie. |
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08-12-04 |
Repeating the mantra "nothing bad befalls the chosen one" during intercourse decreases your partner's chance of getting pregnant by 94%! |
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06-05-09 |
Potted plants are a great way to brighten a room, provided you enjoy watching something slowly die and knowing it's your fault. |
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07-03-09 |
Hooters announced plans to open a chain of upscale restaurants called Pretty Waitresses Who Call You Sir And Aren't Giving It Away. |
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07-12-09 |
No matter what you search for on WebMD, the first result should always say "You're a hypochondriac. Go back to bed." |
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09-27-09 |
Keanu Reeves is really hurt by everybody saying he's a bad actor, but nobody can tell. |
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10-12-09 |
Freegans live entirely on free things including food from trash cans, furniture from dumpsters, and public ridicule. |
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06-14-08 |
When somebody tells you you're one in a million, they're saying there are 35 people just like you in California alone. |
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11-18-07 |
Ironically enough, while The Man *is* trying to keep you down, The System keeps him from doing it effectively. |
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09-08-07 |
The most common phrase ever conveyed in smoke signals is "You don't know what we're sayin', white people." |
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05-28-07 |
Contrary to popular opinion, some things that don't kill you weaken you so you're easier to kill later. AIDS, for example. |
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11-19-06 |
Studies have indicated that concealed weapon laws do deter would-be criminals from robbing someone who has accidentally shot himself in the pelvis. |
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02-18-07 |
87% of math majors believe that asking a girl out is harder than dividing by zero. |
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05-07-05 |
If you know their weaknesses (e.g.: the skull), taking candy from a baby becomes much easier. |
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01-19-08 |
If a doctor eats an apple a day, his body slowly vanishes. |
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09-04-07 |
On Friday, NASA launched an unmanned vehicle that will fly to the moons of Jupiter and, if it finds life there, make creepy patterns in their corn fields. |
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12-10-07 |
Conceding that "the future" has come and gone, Dippin' Dots changed its slogan to "Ice cream that's slightly harder to eat." |
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04-24-06 |
Once Evel Knievel went down on a girl for 12 hours straight. He suffered 15 broken bones, 2 compound fractures, and a torn meniscus. |
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08-18-07 |
The phrase "That's what she said" refers to a young woman from Bakersfield, CA who has indeed said every sexual phrase imaginable. |
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08-31-06 |
If Mr. Potato Head ever goes to prison, he better watch out for Mr. Artichoke Cock. |
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